Rappler runs an advice column by couple Jeremy Baer and clinical psychologist Dr. Margarita Holmes.

Jeremy has a master’s degree in law from Oxford University. A banker of 37 years who worked in three continents, he has been training with Dr. Holmes for the last 10 years as co-lecturer and, occasionally, as co-therapist, especially with clients whose financial concerns intrude into their daily lives.

Together, they have written two books: Love Triangles: Understanding the Macho-Mistress Mentality and Imported Love: Filipino-Foreign Liaisons.

Hello po, Dr. Holmes and Mr Baer,

It’s me again, Richard. Just an update po.

They offered me the promotion a second time. This time, I accepted the promotion offer.

Thank you po for suggesting I speak to the owner of the business directly. I was very frightened to do so, but with your answers to my letter, I tried it.

My manager was supportive; but, during his announcement, everyone was surprised by the sudden decision and my promotion two grades higher.

My team leaders reacted in a negative way. They were not happy about it; they feel they were bypassed.

I asked my manager, as a favor, that I first speak to my two team leaders before he announced my promotion. But it was his decision that he announce it first, without any warning to them or me. But yeah, some were happy but some were not but it doesn’t matter. I chose this for myself, for my growth.

The persons I really look up to are my two team leaders; but one of them is giving me the cold shoulder and won’t hear my side

I am now being criticized about the job offer and for my accepting it.

Because I have been working for this company for only seven months and got an offer thereafter, my workmates gossip about it.

I know they are talking about me indirectly — hahahaha —but it doesn’t affect me a little bit as I am focusing more on my growth.

It’s just that we’ve shared good memories and they knew what kind of a person I am. But with their reactions now, it highly speaks about who they really are inside.

Do you agree po?

– Richard

Dear Richard,

Thank you for your update. It is good to hear that you secured your promotion and that you are confident enough to withstand the negative responses to it.

Work in a corporate environment has its pros and cons. It is a great opportunity inter alia to earn a regular salary, have a structure within which to make your way up the greasy pole of self-advancement and, hopefully, make some friends from among your coworkers.

The cons include office politics, endless petty feuds and jockeying for position among the staff and often a bureaucracy that can be a veritable straitjacket. You will be fortunate if you find that your company avoids most of these pitfalls, the worst of which in my personal experience is an HR department which has the hypocrisy to cloak itself in righteous language as the protector of each and every humble employee but actually works ceaselessly to advance the interests of management to the detriment of the workforce.

By contrast, freelance employment can seem very attractive but it comes without that guaranteed regular paycheck and requires a significant bet on one’s long-term ability to find work in sufficient quantities to sustain one’s lifestyle, whatever that might entail.

Another feature of the corporate world is that one is working with a disparate group of people who, though co-workers, are often also competitors for promotion to the more senior but less ubiquitous jobs up that greasy pole. These are not people one has chosen to work with but everyone still has to coexist nevertheless on a daily basis.

As with any group, most relationships are characterized by mutual tolerance in pursuit of whatever corporate goals the enterprise adopts but inevitably friendships and rivalries develop.

It is to your credit that you do not allow the criticism and gossip around you to affect your work. Your promotion was, after all, based on your performance plus your potential. Biased negativity, often reflecting thwarted ambition, should not be allowed to divert you from your chosen path.

It is disappointing when relationships sour but that often happens when one person is promoted and others are not. I therefore agree with you when you point out it says a lot more about your critics than about you.

All the best,
JAF Baer

Dear Richard,

Thank you very much for this, your second letter to us. It is such a wonderful (not to mention rare) experience to actually hear from a former letter writer who feels their situation improved, even suggesting that our column might have helped.

Because you took a risk believing in us, I will also take a risk and share my observations and, after, my hypothesis about some of the dynamics in your work.

Yes, my observations may be unexpected in the light of bigger problems, but in my clinical experience, sometimes the seemingly most petty things that people are afraid to bring up are what matter most.

SO…here goes:

I do not trust your manager, and I don’t think you should either. Despite your expressed request to hold off his announcement about your promotion so you could talk (“warn”) your team leaders about your new position so they would have time to “practice” their responses so they were not caught flat footed, your manager ignored your request, which led to your team leader/s resentment. He did not even warn you about his decision, thus leaving you flat-footed too.

You say your manager was supportive, but I disagree. Why else would he not honor your very simple request to speak to your team leaders ahead of time?

This is not the first time he has thwarted your career either.

The first was what you spoke about in your February 22 letter, when he took it upon himself to refuse your promotion, without even asking you first!

Both times he has robbed you of your agency, of your chance to work out for yourself how you want to deal with your life. Both times he has made it harder for you to succeed.

Earlier, it was by refusing on your behalf a job that furthered your career but with neither your knowledge nor therefore your permission. Now, by making it harder for you to smooth the waters between your team leaders and yourself.

You say “it doesn’t affect (you even) a little bit” how your workmates view you, but I think it does.

It would affect me, and most everybody else. You also mention that “the persons I really look up to are my two team leaders”. It seems like he purposely sabotaged your relationship with them.

Some people like to believe that work matters most where jobs are concerned. Yes, that is true, BUT your relationships with your workmates are part of the work.

Your manager is a snake. Either that, or rank stupidity was the reason he did not heed your request to give your team leaders a heads up.

Frankly, I do not know which is worse.

I apologize deeply if this is not good news, but I cannot help feeling it is news that might help you in the long run.

All my very best,
– MG Holmes